Dear followers
Before this series, The Sage always remained resolutely aloof from the addictive appeal of The Apprentice, bar a fleeting week or two of interest when the blonde Brummie girl made the final a couple of years back. But a Wednesday night at home on the Stockwell sofa back in May coincided with the launch of Lord Sugar's 2011 search for his new business partner, and lo and behold, I haven't missed an episode since.
The Sage is unsure what makes the programme so gripping. Perhaps it's Lord Sugar himself, who ascends imperiously to the boardroom in his glass lift like a Cockney Ming the Merciless before ritually humiliating the contestants with his withering assessments of their performance. You also have the would-be entrepreneurs themselves, who habitually display a daunting level of self belief only matched by their sometimes staggering lack of intelligence. The tasks they undertake are well-thought out, varied and easy even for those of us with zero business knowledge to understand, which is useful as several of this year's participants seemed to fall under that category. But above all, this is a competition, and while we all enjoy the first 50 minutes, it's the final 10 when the three potential victims turn on each other like wild beasts before one is fired that we all look forward to.
Now we're at the final stage, and to be honest, with the possible exception of Melody (who was immensely pretentious but generally pretty sharp, she even spoke French!) it's difficult to argue with the make up of the last four. Natasha, who got commendably far considering she is essentially a brunette Vicky Pollard in a trouser suit, simply had to go. However, there was also a strong case to fire Tom for comprehensively destroying the myth that he is some kind of bumbling genius by claiming that Christopher Columbus was British, which The Sage would expect the average 10 year old to correct. Mind you, Natasha probably thinks he's a recently deceased American detective in a brown overcoat.
Despite his unforgivable display of historical ignorance, I will be supporting Tom on Sunday night. His detractors will rightly point out that he's lost a lot more tasks than he's won over the series as a whole, and he can come across as too mild-mannered and indecisive. But when it comes to delivering a well-structured, innovative business plan and coming across as both clever and likeable in an interview, you have to fancy his chances.
Of the other three contenders, The Sage believes Jim can almost certainly be discounted, despite his now legendary mind games and apparent boardroom invulnerability. Yes, he's more slippery than an eel-shaped bar of soap and could talk the hind legs, tail and testicles off the proverbial donkey, but when it comes down to it, he's a salesman rather than a businessman and I expect him to finally get found out at the death.
With her flawless make-up, genial diplomacy and perfect pitches, Helen sailed serenely through the first nine weeks looking like the winner in waiting, but was badly ruffled on the 'smell what sells task' and the Sage has a hunch that she may also wilt when put under pressure. There is something strangely robotic about her, and the suspicion is that she's a great organiser and facilitator of other people's ideas rather than an innovator in her own right. Plus she stated in her audition that she has 'no social life and no personal life, I live for my work' which is terribly unfair on the menfolk of her native Northumberland, who deserve more than just sheep for company at the weekend.
The real dark horse is Susan. Despite being almost as stupid as Natasha and possibly even more annoying, the fact that she started her first business at the age of three and yaps like a demented puppy at anyone who crosses her seems to have endeared her to Lord Sugar. To be fair, she's probably had to work harder than anyone to get to where she is in life, and is seeking to conquer the world of commerce at an age when most people are either preparing for their university finals, going out getting hideously drunk several times a week, or both. But does this mean she deserves to win? In The Sage's view, no it doesn't.
So it's prediction time, and The Sage will go for Tom to win, with Susan in second. The words 'bullshit' and 'Jim' will appear in a sentence together on more than one occasion, Nick Hewer will raise his eyebrows in despair at least seven times, and Lord Sugar will announce his final verdict surrounded by a phalanx of Daleks before obliterating the losers with a particle dispersing laser. Well perhaps The Sage is getting a bit carried away with the last bit, but it should all be jolly good fun to watch nevertheless.
Bring on Sunday!
Regards
The Sage
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